I am very excited for the opportunity to share words of Torah with you. Each week, in this spot, I look to share an idea I've found that speaks to me and that I think will resonate with you as well. This week, I share an excerpt from an article by Shoshanna Dresner entitled ‘Hatred Fuels Hatred, Love Fuels Love’, which gives some great advice on how to enhance positive relationships with others.
Moses is speaking to the people before his death, reviewing the events and experiences that they had encountered during their years in the desert. "...and you said, because the Almighty hated us he took us out of Egypt..." (Deut 1:27).
God hated them? How could this be?! Rashi comments, that really God loved the people, but because they felt hatred towards Him they mistakenly felt that He hated them! Rashi says, "What you feel about someone else, you assume he feels about you" (Sifsai Chachamim). God did not hate His people at all, the people had projected their own feelings, and assumed very wrongly!
This is a fascinating insight into human psychology. If we feel negatively towards others, we assume that that’s how they must be feeling about us. This can result in feud based on nothing more than our own thoughts. On the flipside, this means that if you feel love and compassion towards others, you will also assume that others feel positively about you.
Taking this a step further... Our thoughts dictate our actions, and our actions towards others influence how they will act towards us. For example, if we feel positively towards someone (thought), then we may smile, and show them that we care about them (action). This will increase their positive feelings towards us, which in turn will motivate them to respond with kind actions (influenced response).
This message is a powerful one at any time of year, but especially as we head into the Shabbat of Tisha B'Av. Let's think about how we, individually and collectively, can find small ways to increase our connections with the people around us. Perhaps this is the Ahavat Chinam (baseless love) that we need to finally merit the ultimate redemption.
Have a Shabbat Shalom and a Meaningful and Easy Fast,
Rabbi Davies
Rabbi@SOICherryHill.org